How to live intentionally: "What did you learn today?"

Dear Lovely,

Ever since I was a child, I have strived to do more and be the best. I was used to winning awards. And when I didn't, I was disappointed.

“In a way, winning meant that I was worthy, and losing told me I was not.”

My parents were immigrants, you see. They left Vietnam during the Vietnam war to build a better life in America. Being better and living a better life went hand in hand.

I remember thoroughly preparing for tests because receiving anything less than an 'A' or recognition meant that I had failed to excel. And when that happened, my dad wasn't thrilled. But when I won an award, he would beam his big smile in my direction, telling everyone around him what I had accomplished.

I will never forget his smile and how happy I felt, knowing I was the reason for his happiness.

Those awards would find their way on our wall of accomplishments in our living room. I was so embarrassed because some of the medals were plastic. But it didn't matter to my dad; he was proud.

And we were addicted to making him proud.

That was our life.

(It was also where I learned to be a perfectionist…which has not been working very well for me, but more on that later =)

After graduating college with the second-highest GPA in my class,

life felt weird, and I felt like a fish out of water.

There weren't any more medals and awards, nothing pre-determined to win.

I had to get a job. Money became my award, and it took the place of certificates and medals. And no matter how much I made, It wasn't enough.

I felt like I didn't know how to live outside of the education system. I thrived knowing that higher numbers meant better results, and more tasks completed meant that I was worthy and doing well.

But just a few days ago, I was presented with this concept, "instead of focusing on our to-do list, let's focus on what we've learned." I kept replaying that idea in my mind, trying to connect why it felt so prominent and how it mattered to me. It was like a drawn-out AH-HA moment. And it explained why I ran very close to empty every few weeks.

I had focused so much on how much I could do. If I was not replying to emails, scrolling through feeds for inspiration in lull moments, or being productive, I was not achieving.

Quiet meant unproductive.

And being anything but productive was no good.

Even our planners are full of to-do lists, priorities, goals, and all sorts of lists that feel never-ending. And having unfinished lists creates disappointment and urgency that I try to avoid.

And as much as I love lists, prompts, and goal-setting, my ultimate question is this:

Instead of measuring our days and lives by what we've done, could we pride ourselves on what we've learned and how we treat ourselves and others?

Can we strive to be 'better' without the desperate energy, the disappointments, and the frustration? Could we endure patiently in an uplifting and energizing way that doesn't lead to burnout?

Today, I look back at my childhood self…

…who never felt like she was doing enough, and I can feel her desperateness. I remember the many moments she spent growing into adulthood, feeling burnt out, building her worthiness by doing too much.

And I hope that when I look back to this day a few years from now, I'll feel proud of the words I wrote and the actions it'll inspire.

I no longer want to be a part of this 'haste' culture. I intentionally want to fill my days with moments to think and understand, moments of calm and discovery, and moments of unwavering focus, joy, and acceptance. And I hope the same for you.

So this leaves me with one question:

"What did you do learn today?"

Hugs,
Christine

P.S. I wrote a rhyme and illustrated this concept! Click here or the image to read the story!

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