Where do I start? | Two ways to help you take your first step.
Dear Lovely,
The hardest step of any project, idea, or action is the first step.
How do I start?
Where do I start?
What if this doesn't work out?
All good questions. But there is something more important than the first step that usually stops us before we even start. And that is the belief in our capabilities.
Do you believe you can?
I didn't.
On February 9th, 2021, I started writing journal entries to share with my email list, a list I've not engaged for almost two years. It was much like starting over, but worse, because I had to prepare for unsubscribes, unfollows, and messages of disappointment.
After finishing each entry, I painstakingly combed my words to make sure everything was concise and grammatically correct. But I still had my doubts.
Is this too personal?
Are these people going to think I'm crazy?
Am I going to fail?
As I was deciding between should I or should I not, I wasn't taking any action. Because at that point, I believed I couldn't, so I didn't.
I secretly continued writing, and I kept wishing that I had more courage. But wishing doesn't make things happen.
So what did you do?
Typically, in the past, I would've created an unrealistic deadline. Criticize, scold, and belittle myself into doing something I wasn't ready to do. And as much as aggression has spurred action, historically, it forced me to withdraw further into doubt and fear.
My self-talk was not helping my self-esteem.
When I realized that my past habits did not change my belief, I tried something completely different. The idea that kindness could be motivational was inspiring and intriguing. And I believe that if you give something space, it will eventually work out, or it'll give you the room to accept the outcome, no matter what it is.
So I did two things:
1. I told myself that it was okay to feel like this.
2. I guided my thoughts through doubt and fear; Not around them.
It is only natural to be afraid of the unknown, the what-ifs. It is part of our survival instincts to think the worse and choose the familiar.
And fear will be there, like it or not.
Accepting feelings of disbelief.
I sat back and became aware of my thinking. Watching doubt, fear, and all of my emotions like I was people watching. Acknowledging each of these emotions and then letting them continue on their way. I learned that these feelings were harmless, and they lacked power with distance.
Guide your thoughts.
Instead of thinking of worst-case scenarios, I shifted my thoughts towards believing my capabilities. We are not our thoughts. We create our thoughts, and so we can change our thoughts.
Thinking about failure can become a habit that affects our belief in our abilities. And to change that, you have to change the pattern of your thinking.
Instead of asking: What if this doesn't work out?
Ask yourself: What if it works out? What do I want to happen?
Instead of thinking: I don't think I can; I can't do this.
Be curious: What makes me think I can't? How have I overcome similar situations in the past?
Instead of thinking: What happens if I fail?
Start planning: How can I fail and what can I do next afterward?
Failing is not final. And imagining all of the possibilities helps bring the unknown into more clarity. Knowledge combats fear.
Learn to believe in yourself.
On March 31st, 2021, almost two months of deliberating, I sent my very first email. I did it.
I didn't know back then that I would love and miss writing these letters as much as I do now. And the most crucial part of it all was that the first step put me on a path of growth in confidence. It led me to start my Patreon page, record myself in my videos, and begin building my little corner of the internet. That first step brought us both here. How wonderful is that?
I still have my doubts and fears, of course. But they are more like passengers rather than the driver of my actions.
Through all of this, I've learned that beautiful things happen when we start to believe in ourselves and our vision, have patience for our decisions, and support our shortcomings.
Self-kindness gives us the space to find courage. And kindness, in general, brings us all more peace.
Many hugs,
Christine
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